What I have learned from being a carer ….

We are all learning every day and as a carer you are always learning as your life adapts day-to-day.

You have to adapt to changes in the NHS, Changes to the health of the person you care for and changes to legislation in benefits and Social Care.

If you’re not used to it you have to learn to be a cook. I really enjoy cooking meals from scratch and we have all benefited from fresh food rather than the Iceland and Farmfoods frozen food. Apart from the health benefits you enjoying food more and getting Claire to eat more and have a healthy and varied diet. I enjoy both the fact that I have created a meal and the fact that other people are enjoying it. I have developed a bit of a keen eye for cooking and find it quite relaxing other than the cleaning up afterwords. I Might post even some of my own recipes at some point.

You have to learn patience now those of you who know me will know I have a long way to go to master this art. I have never been a very patient person but over the years it has improved. I find meditation has improved my patience I am far from reaching Nirvana but I do believe the Zen state exists.

Along with patience you have to learn how to be assertive without being aggressive something else I have still to master completely. There is a fine line between aggression and assertiveness. That’s the part I still have to learn.

I have always been political and Joining the political party at 15 helped me develop into who I am now the encouragement of older people who were not relatives inspired me no end. I Would hate to be a carer and not able to speak up not only for myself but for the person I care for. Fortunately this is something that is not something I have a problem with.

So carers are always having to learn, having to remain calm and not be seen as aggressive. Ah I have a long way to go and the road may be long with many a winding turn but who knows where oops no sorry that he aint heavy he’s my brother. I will keep you posted on my development and please feel free to comment with yours.


2 thoughts on “What I have learned from being a carer ….

  1. It is good to learn to cook meals as you mention. I am sorry you seem to be giving advice to carers to be calm, to not be aggressive – there is a fine line between aggression and assertiveness. Well I am sorry but these comments should be aimed at the professionals. I know of many parents who are quite rightly in absolute despair. After 14 mind altering drugs my daughter is very ill now and the NHS has failed her, social services have tried to get rid of me three times now and the legal process of the tribunal has been cruelly manipulated. I am sorry but I totally disagree with you about your comments of being assertive. To begin with I was trusting of the professionals but the people who have inspired me most is the group of former patients I meet with regularly who have been cruelly treated by an inhumane system of care that needs a complete overhaul in my opinion and I make no apologies for these assertive comments. I have had a child aged 13 put on anti-psychotics. She is now on top of the world despite her label of Schizophrenia. My elder daughter is miles away from home. The psychiatrist has said some horrible things about me behind my back that has got back to me, the team have excluded me and got rid of my daughter’s solicitor, they have dragged out the tribunal wasting public money. No-one takes responsibility for mistakes and so many have been covered up. Despite my title of Nearest Relative I have not met the psychiatrist in charge of my daughter’s care and have never once been invited to any meetings.

    I have every right to be assertive if only you could see the state of my poor daughter now and I am not the only one – others have kids on never ending sections and they are of no risk to the public.

    In the files I have been labelled as aggressive and it was at this time that I had found out about the drugs they had put my daughter on – the very drug she signed an advanced statement against having, another drug which was being given off label – not tried and tested. How about when her face was covered in bruises at a so called worldwide renowned hospital – it is the professionals that you should be aiming these comments at – the professionals who do not communicate, cover things up when things go wrong, wear name badges back to front and threaten you with arrest – yes there is a fine line but that line has been broken many many times by the professionals who think they are above the law and can write what they like about you behind your back which if you or I were to do so, would be classed as defamation of character.

    • My post was aimed at carers and if I start to step over the line my wife gets upset and that I dont want. I do agree with you that it goes both ways and that Health professionals have to do the same I myself was labeled a bully for standing up to someone and at some stage in the future i do intend to blog on the very important issues you comment raises on being branded something you are not.


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