Why ???


I am sometimes surprised at why people think I blog.

Recently I was told by a MSP “I have great Sympathy for what you do” This made me wonder if people thought that is why I blog to look for sympathy. Well to clear that up NO I DON’T.”  I have never looked for Sympathy for what I do that’s not the type of person I am  so anyone who thinks that has not been reading my blogs properly.

The whole point of this Blog is to speak up for carers and not seek sympathy for them but more Respect and Understanding. Some people don’t get it and when its an elected representative and a Member of the Scottish Government that in my humble opinion makes it worse. I am not going to Name the MSP as this is not about.

I am not seeking to stand as a candidate for Council, Holyrood or Westminster and have no plans to do so in the for see able future. I have my own political opinion and it is my own. I know that life is not Black and White Neither is it Red verses Blue there are other shades of politics and Football available. However we must also work together and so over the past few years I have spoke to people from all political parties to further the Understanding of Carers in Scotland.

So if you haven’t read this Blog before please read some and hopefully you will have a better understanding of carers and indeed the people they care for.

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Be positive


I have not posted for a while for a number of reasons none of these reasons is that I had nothing to say. Those of you who know me will know I never have nothing to say. I have however found it hard to be positive recently.

It is hard to be positive when not a lot of positive things are happening. I watch every day as Mrs G is in pain and I can do nothing about it. I say platitudes like “its going to be OK”  Its hard to keep this up for a long time when Mrs G picks up one infection after another and does not get  a break. Carers are not immune to these infections too and its hard to stay positive when you are not feeling well either. However I have to try as no matter how unwell I may feel Mrs G feels worse as she has her daily pain to deal with too and if she can’t use her distraction methods to deal with the pain its worse.

So how do you stay positive ? the simple answer is you don’t but you try.

About a Carer


This is a Post Written by my wife Mrs G

When Mr G became my Unpaid Carer, there was, he felt, quite a stigma about it, especially a man giving up a well paid job which put “his family on benefits”. It took him some time to get used to his new role.

 

I had always been a stay at home Mum, cooking up to four different dinners a night, cleaning the house, making the beds, as you will all know the list goes on and on.

 

So not only did Mr G have to do some of these tasks, the children had to get used to Daddy cooking one meal for everyone and asking them to keep their rooms tidy and make their beds themselves. As Mr G also had to help me do things I could no longer do.

 

I don’t know if he remembers the day when he felt inside he was an Unpaid Carer but I remember it vividly. It was after an “heated discussion” with one of my consultants. He managed to change the way she spoke to me and ever since then Mr G has worked hard to bring the role of an Unpaid Carer to the fore and of course he also works tirelessly helping me both physically and emotionally and tries to raise awareness for the Caree.

 

I may be wrong, but I think Mr G works so hard to help raise awareness of Unpaid Carers, as it was so hard for him when he had the role thrust upon him. Mr G just wants other Unpaid Carers to know they are not alone.

 

 

What I have learned from being a carer ….


We are all learning every day and as a carer you are always learning as your life adapts day-to-day.

You have to adapt to changes in the NHS, Changes to the health of the person you care for and changes to legislation in benefits and Social Care.

If you’re not used to it you have to learn to be a cook. I really enjoy cooking meals from scratch and we have all benefited from fresh food rather than the Iceland and Farmfoods frozen food. Apart from the health benefits you enjoying food more and getting Claire to eat more and have a healthy and varied diet. I enjoy both the fact that I have created a meal and the fact that other people are enjoying it. I have developed a bit of a keen eye for cooking and find it quite relaxing other than the cleaning up afterwords. I Might post even some of my own recipes at some point.

You have to learn patience now those of you who know me will know I have a long way to go to master this art. I have never been a very patient person but over the years it has improved. I find meditation has improved my patience I am far from reaching Nirvana but I do believe the Zen state exists.

Along with patience you have to learn how to be assertive without being aggressive something else I have still to master completely. There is a fine line between aggression and assertiveness. That’s the part I still have to learn.

I have always been political and Joining the political party at 15 helped me develop into who I am now the encouragement of older people who were not relatives inspired me no end. I Would hate to be a carer and not able to speak up not only for myself but for the person I care for. Fortunately this is something that is not something I have a problem with.

So carers are always having to learn, having to remain calm and not be seen as aggressive. Ah I have a long way to go and the road may be long with many a winding turn but who knows where oops no sorry that he aint heavy he’s my brother. I will keep you posted on my development and please feel free to comment with yours.

Carers and Stress and Depression


We are told that the CEO s of the Big Banks get paid the big money as they have to make the big decisions. We we know from experience that they didn’t always get them right.

This isn’t a rant about the bankers it’s about the tough decisions we as carers make every day.  The stress of looking after someone 24/7 figures show that Carers are twice as likely to suffer from Depression. I myself suffer from Clinical  Depression I have to take Anti Depressants and still have days when I am very down. I find these days are more likely to happen when I feel I am getting nowhere particularly in relation to  Claire s health and battling the powers that be to get help, where is am labelled a bully for speaking up for my wife or indeed on days where I know that Claire’s pain is bad and I feel powerless to help. This is when I must fight the most I must not turn to the “Dark Side” but it is hard the Anti Depressants help with the chemical in balance but the mood trigger can still be there which is like being kicked in the teeth emotionally.

Now I know I am not the only carer going through this but these are the times you need friends and help from Carers organisations the most. You have to know when you need help there is no stigma to Depression and Stress. I try to do what I can for the See Me charity which campaigns against the stigma of Mental Health. It only amounts to getting posters and leaflets for the Schools and GP Surgeries but if that points at least one person in the right direction of help then I have done something.  Remember there are people to help.

A Message to end Carers Week


This is a Message from my Wife Claire she wanted to share to end Carers Week

“You May Not Believe This But I Count Myself Lucky !

Yes I suffer massive pain, take countless medications, am a prisoner in my own home but I still count myself lucky. I look around at everything that is happening around the world and I could be in many situations that are worse than the situation I am in.

I could live in Syria and be surrounded by civil war; never knowing what is happening day-to-day.

I could be one of our many soldiers or civilian workers in Afghanistan.

I could be living in Iraq, amidst countless car bombings and suicide bombers.

I could be a homeless person anywhere around the world, never knowing when or if I would eat that day or get lucky and get a place overnight in a shelter.

But I am none of those things, I am a person who needs twenty-four hour care and am lucky that my husband gave up his job to become my full-time carer and am lucky that all my children at one point have been young carers for me, at this moment our youngest daughter is filling this post.

I never ever wanted to be this ill and requiring care but I am, and I am extremely lucky.

As Carer’s Week draws to a close, I would like to thank my husband and children but also every unpaid carer whether they are young carers or a full-time carer. We are all lucky and extremely grateful to have you and the outstanding care you give.”

My Presentation to the Carers Cross Party Group last Night in Scottish Parliament on being Prepared to Care?


Good Evening, firstly I would like to thank Heather from Princess Royal Trust for Carers For asking me along to speak today. My name is Clare Lally and I am here tonight with my partner Derek and friend Michelle.  I am full time  mum/carer to my twin daughters Holly and Katie, the Twincesses. The girls are now 6 and a half and were born 12weeks premature, as a result of the birth Katie suffered brain damage and was left unable to walk, talk and swallow – she is fed via a button in her tummy and she is also a silent aspirator which means she can choke and you can’t hear it so we have to watch her 24hours a day to prevent this! She is such a clever girl she can also use this to manipulate a situation as well.. Holly our other daughter has no health issues, she is a beautiful girl with patients of a saint however I do feel I let her down a lot. So the theme of this weeks Carer’s Week is prepared to care? Was I prepared …to care? No i wasn’t, I was preparing to be a mum for the first time.
* – I wasn’t prepared for the continuous bad news we were getting for Katie, every day/week there was always something else wrong.
* – I wasn’t prepared to bring my children into the world and then spend every day thinking is this the last day we have with her.
* – I wasn’t prepared to have to learn all the various pieces of medical equipment we have to use on a daily basis.
* – I wasn’t prepared to feel I was letting down my other daughter because so much time focuses on Katie who isn’t well.
* – I wasn’t prepared for friends and close family to Abandon us at a time we needed them the most!
* – I wasn’t prepared for other Carers to be so horrible and nasty because I was campaigning and speaking out!
* – I wasn’t prepared to have to constantly fight and battle with services for services!

These are just some of the things I was not prepared for! But, Now these are the things I am not prepared to let other Carers Go through – we have to be prepared for things and we can do this by preparing together.  If we had been told before we came home from hospital with the girls all the things we would have to go through, all the fights and battles we would have to deal with I really don’t know if we could have done it!  There is no amount of preparation could prepare you for what lies ahead.  For me the 24hour care of Katie is the easiest part of life, the hardest part is all the fights and challenges!  I was on Call Kaye phone in the other morning on BBC Good Morning Scotland, and one of the things I said was we need a huge needle and thread to start sewing up all the loopholes and nets we all fall through! Well, we are that needle and thread, we can start sewing them up because we know what they are because we are the ones who have fell through them! We have to make changes not just for us but for the Carers who will be coming behind us so they do not have to go through the same hurdles and challenges that we have all had to.
And on that note I will thank you for listening and giving me the time to speak